There’s not a one-size-fits-all approach to raising children. Parenting styles differ and all children are unique, even within one family. We do strive to embed good morals and values into our children, and raise them according to Islamic teachings and that which are pleasing to Allah.
On National Children’s Day, we’re going to discuss: 5 ways to raise resilient children and foster emotional strength. We thought it fitting, given the situation in Palestine, and the difficulty parents face, when trying to balance educating their children whilst protecting them.
1. Open Communication
It sounds simple enough but children aren’t communicating with their peers or parents enough. With the rise in technology, there’s a decline in face-to-face interaction and conversation. Parents are met with grunts and single-word responses, whilst children are often disregarded when a parent is busy. This limits the opportunity for children to open and converse, and parents to understand their child’s thoughts and worries.
However, open and honest communication allows children to speak freely about what they’re feeling and thinking, and the lack thereof can leave children feeling isolated.
Studies have shown that the amount of time parents spend talking and engaging with their children can influence children’s feelings of being connected and belonging within the family.
We may feel like our child is adapting to their surroundings well as they haven’t vocalised any discomfort, but they will be exposed to the nature of the world and events through social media, their peers, and on TV. If it’s not spoken about at home, children may feel that they are unable to ask questions or have their emotions validated.
If open dialogue is not common within your home, begin modelling it yourself. Share your thoughts about what’s happening in the world and encourage conversation. Pay attention to their responses and validate them, allowing them to feel heard.
2. Provide Reassurance + Instil Tawwakkul
When taking care of your children, you may assume they know they are loved and cherished. But words of affirmation play a big role, and children need to feel safe and secure, especially when they’re being exposed to life’s challenges.
Assure your children that they are safe and loved. You can offer explanations that are appropriate for their age and level of understanding. As Muslims, even more so, you can help them understand that while there are challenges, there are also people working to make the world a better place, and the importance of having Tawwakkul.
Teach your children to have trust and reliance on Allah, especially during difficult times. Remind them that whilst we make efforts to overcome challenges, our fate is in the hands of Allah. The importance of du’a is also pinnacle – teach your child that du’a is the strength we have to overcome any difficulties, and we can call out to Allah for all our problems, no matter how little or large.
3. Model Resilience + Positive Thinking
Children will learn from what is being modelled. There’s no better way to teach resilience, coping skills, and positive thinking than doing it yourself. Even if it doesn’t come naturally, even seeing your journey of trying will teach them the path of discovery. Let them see you make mistakes, but pick yourself up, or hear you correct your thoughts or mindset to a more positive one.
Resilience isn’t an overnight journey. It’s building blocks, and the more you do it, the better you get at it. Teaching both yourself and your children coping skills and putting them into action can change the dynamic of your household dramatically. This could be taking time out, breathing exercises, or processing your emotions through hobbies such as writing or drawing.
Teach your children the virtue of patience in Islam. Help them understand that challenges are a natural part of life, and patience is key to enduring hardships. Encourage them to be patient in finding solutions and to trust in Allah’s timing.
4. Encourage problem-solving + learning from others
We need to move away from the idea that adults always know best. You would be surprised with the solutions your children come up with, if you empower them to do so. Help them find solutions to the problems they encounter. You can be there to guide them through the challenge, and brainstorm solutions, and together, you can act.
You’ve not only empowered them but helped them be creative with finding solutions. If they need to be inspired to act, share stories from Islamic history and the lives of Prophets and companions who showed resilience in the face of adversity. There are plenty of videos and books that will cater to your child’s age, both online and in local Islamic bookshops.
5. Strength in Unity
Whilst they may be struggling and feel isolated when seeing events which they feel they have control over, teach them, more than ever, the importance of community in Islam.
Encourage them to seek help and support from others when needed. Remind them of the strength and unity that comes from being part of the Muslim community and of one Ummah. They can feel a part of this when they’re visiting local mosques for congregation or events that cater to their age.
Building blocks
Given what we’re witnessing, it’s a monumental task for parents to get the balance completely correct. Don’t punish yourself if you feel you’re not doing it correctly or falling short as there isn’t a one-size-fits-all-all. Just as you are patient with your children, be patient with yourself when trying to navigate new terrains.
These 5 tips are merely building blocks that you can adapt as you see fit. It’s a long journey that starts with small steps.
May Allah protect the children of this Ummah, both within our household and around the world. May Allah keep them safe, protected, healthy, and firm believers of Islam. Ameen.